The Reddlipstick Blog: REDD RANTS: I hate Job Interviews

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

REDD RANTS: I hate Job Interviews

The summertime is the perfect time to go out, find a job, and save up some money for the next school year: whether it be clothes, vacation money, or the money you're putting towards a car. We all want it, and we have nothing but time on our hands right now.

But MAN OH MAN, I HATE the job seeking process! You gotta go into the store, asking "Are you all hiring?" get an application, call them back, blah blah blah blah, and then FINALLY they call you back!

For an interview. The WORST part.

I am TOO awkward to SHINE during a JOB INTERVIEW!

I know you are probably like: "Okay, you have a blog. You interview people all the time." #1 I CONDUCT the interviews, and #2 at the end of the day, after the interview I'm still going to have my blog, and that person I interviewed is still going to have whatever it is going on for themselves. The JOB INTERVIEW will be the last step of me securing a job or not, & that SUCKS!

Let's face it: during a job interview you're expected to be trustworthy, well-spoken, witty, appear hard working, and confident. Now, that's all great and that's not the problem with me (At least, I don't think). The problem is you have to exude ALL of this while putting up this bubbly persona AND while answering questions that insult your intelligence.

"Do you consider yourself a harder worker than your peers?"

"Are you aware of what loss prevention is? How would you execute that?"

"Do you think you would be a successful in sales?"

"Your availability is pretty flexible, right?"

WHAT! I mean come on! Are y'all even paying attention to the answer to these questions or HOW I answer them? How can I make you laugh really quickly? Do I answer right away or take a minute to think? Do I look you right in the eye when I say it? I mean it's ridiculous! Because NO IDIOT is going to come in the job interview like.

"I'm not that hard of a worker at all. I'm actually really lazy."

"No, WTF is loss prevention?"

"I don't really care about sales. I just need to make some money."

"I want mornings and weekends off, especially Saturday nights."

NO. They are going to come in that job interview with a stupid little suit on, and give the hiring manager the most generic answer they can while simultaneously finding other ways to become remembered by you, like over flattering the manager while having that "I appear to be confident, but I REALLY REALLY need this job," look.

PLEASE don't even get me started on the group interviews! Sitting in a room with 5 other girls who were probably trained in pageants or something that know EXACTLY what to say to the managers to these mediocre questions, guaranteeing there hire within seconds.

NO! My personality is too big and weird for me to try to come in an interview like that! AND I'm a terrible liar! All I know is I want the money and I'll do whatever it is to KEEP the money flowing in with a smile on my face! BAM! Take my resume, look over it, look at me and say "This looks nice. You start tomorrow."

Wouldn't that make EVERYBODY's life a little bit easier here?